As the Saying Goes

OK, so I'm flying with this Captain from Texas. Every once in a while, he'd come up with a side-splittin' funny gem of wisdom that only a country boy could pull off. Kinda Jeff Foxworthy style. I thought I'd share a few of them with ya.

That boy couldn't find his ass with a handful of fishhooks!

She could talk the horns of a billy goat!

You were busier than a one-legged man at an ass-kickin' contest!

That woman was as old as the hills on grandma!

Why he's wound tighter than grandaddy on blue cheese! (I needed this one translated - think constipation...)

I gotta piss like a tied up dog in July!

Well, enjoy them and use these sayings sparingly and judiciously!